After our miscarriage last year, things seemed impossible. The hope of having another baby was filled with question. Would we ever get pregnant again, and if we did, would everything be okay? I was scared and I don't know if I've ever prayed so much in my life as I have since August 8, 2012. The day that we found out about our miscarriage was the worst day of my life. But in the midst of it I honestly believed that the loss of our sweet Taylor was not in vain.
I heard so many stories from friends who I didn't even know had miscarriages, who told me that as soon as they had their next pregnancy and held that precious child they knew they wouldn't trade them for anything. I know that I would never have traded Taylor for anything in the world. But, I do believe, and I had to believe that some good would come out of it. That if we hadn't lost that precious baby, we wouldn't have this other baby who means the world to us.
On miscarriage support boards there is this common term, "Rainbow Baby." It comes from the same understanding of the rainbow that we get from Noah's ark, that after the flood, after the disaster, after the terror, comes a promise that things are going to be okay. A "Rainbow Baby" is a baby that comes after the miscarriage, the baby that is a sign of promise and hope for parents who have suffered a loss.
This brings me to the best news ever. Our Rainbow Baby:
On December 21st, I woke up with a "hunch" and took a pregnancy test. I had been praying so much, and all I could say over and over again was that the only thing I wanted for Christmas was to find out that we were pregnant.
After three ultrasounds we can confirm that baby is growing and the heart rate is increasing and baby looks great. We are over 9 weeks pregnant and so close to being out of the first trimester. At our last ultrasound Baby W was wiggling all over the place and had a beautiful 171 bpm just ticking away.
I am already so in love, and so happy and so overwhelmed at this promise. I think of Taylor Ashley Wittman every single day and what a wonderful blessing she was in this world, even if I was the only one who really knew her. I also can't help but think now that without Taylor and the pain that we went through, we would never be looking at this beautiful ultrasound of this Rainbow Baby.
One of my favorite hymns is the "Hymn of Promise". It is a song that reminds us that the biggest blessings are hidden in tiny places and only God knows what is going to happen. In all of my doubt and fear and crying, God knew that this baby was coming to us, and that this baby was our hidden blessing.
Boy or Girl? I have no idea, and honestly I would be completely happy either way. Although, I truly can't wait to find out! We still have a very long way to go, but I have never felt more sure about anything than I have about the fact that this baby is going to be okay and by September we will be holding this sweet little miracle and wondering how the time passed by so quickly.
Promises are hidden in tiny and unusual places, and sometimes it seems like the waiting is going to kill us, but what we find on the other side is a blessing from God far greater than what we could have imagined for ourselves. I cannot wait to meet this precious gift, and as our pregnancy continues I can't wait to share more with all of you.